Dec 13, 2010

Keren Ann - Not going anywhere

no endings end

Send me offshore
It's a cold blooded war
I can't win, I give in, I give in
In the field of my fight
We can wonder all night
Why we have all this love, all this love
You and I we were drawn in the break of my dawn with the boreal wind
Where begin is begin
But we can't change the world
No we can't change the world
It's been done
By someone
Long ago

Send me offshore
There's a bright semaphore
Calling in every wind, every wind
In the loop of my game
There's a whole life to blame
It's been done
But we won what we won

You and I, we both run
With an unloaded gun
For the same piece of land
Where no endings end
But we can't change the world
No we can't change the world
It's been done
By someone
Long ago

Send me offshore
She is a cold blooded war
I can't win, I give in, I give in 

Fleet Foxes

Dec 7, 2010

Observations..

Just sharing some rough bullet points, U can close the page.. i dont mind.






I think that life is cheap. thats why i kinda tried to waste it.


I lost alot of friends.. which wasn't because of me. yet it was always uncomfortable to face it.




While ppl sleep, i end up holding a pen and counting how many days it took me to finish what i never finished. and every day i wud say tomorrow but eventually tomorrow is 10 years late.


I have been in a long old big sleep.


I run out of words.


I end up being all haha like cz it really bothers me to open up.


What ever i've been thru was due to 3 reasons:
-Wrong choices
- Infinite trust
- Lack of bitchy-iness




Its been observed that my life isnt complete.. 
picture it as this gift u got and u know how awesome is it.. so every day u wud decide to leave it to  better day ... days pass by.. the gift gets old.. u grow up and lose the thrill of opening it.. so every day.. its right there.. across ur sight.. but u still wont open it.. u just got used to it closed.. ur saving it for a better day.. 
while waiting and counting down to the day *which u pushed soooo many times* u realize u wasted alot of time on really nothing. this numbness is really stupid.. u have tortured ur self on nothing.. wasted chances.. shame nada.. thats a shame.. 




ANY WAY. these were my observations.. im working on them .. im off to watch kill bill now.. i'll sniff u soon 




BAAAHY!

Nov 26, 2010

Drops in the River

Crown of leaves, high in the window on a cold morning
Young today, old as a railroad tomorrow
Days are just drops in the river to be lost always
Only you, only you, you know

Years ago, birds of a feather would arrive nightly
Gone you know, held to another like clutched ivy
On the shore, speak to the ocean and receive silence
Only you, only you, you know

You hesitate so my memory fade, I'll hold to the first one
I wouldn't turn to another you say, on the long night we've made
Let it go

Only you, only you, you know
Only you, only you, you know

You hesitate so my memory fade, I'll hold to the first one
I wouldn't turn to another you say, on the long night we've made
Let it go

Speak to me slow my dear
No ghost of course in here
Pleased to be lonesome quiet and clear
All is alone in here 


Nov 22, 2010

Over packing syndrome.

 
Im sorry to tell u that I have been diagnosed w  the over packing syndrome which makes me pack alotta of things that I don’t really need and I don’t have a clue about the reason which made me buy em.
 
I moved to RAK (Ras AlKhaima) 5 weeks ago. Its really challenging as it took me for ever to pack… I have been here for 5 weeks and haven’t unpacked yet. THE REASON is my dear  imaginary  readers that I actually moved between 7 rooms. The satisfaction wasn’t really there with alhamra village u know… every room had its defect.. and it really bothered me. As I have two weeks left, I spend the pre sleep minutes in thinking wither to unpack and stack the clothes inside the closet or just bare with the daily chaos which ends by wearing a pair of jeans and any sneakers id find on my way out as I dance my way to my car jumping in and out of my outfit so it gets comfy on me…


                Update: I emailed a person telling him that we shud talk 3 weeks ago.. and he ignored me. How pathetic a person cud get huh :P *im not that scary Omar!*

ANOTHER UPDATE: I miss u sid <3 like wayyyyyyyyyyyy toooo much and im sorry for not catching up with u as I ended up sleeping instead of calling u <3

                Last update: I am getting black…. As the sun burned my sorry tushhh while shooting on daily bases under it. (we totally shud sit under any shade for a min as a salute to my long lost skin which got burned and stuff)

I gtg now…
BEACE! *as in peace*

Oct 1, 2010

لكني لا أتذكر

كيفما يأتي المساء كل يوم..
يغمرني ذلك الشعور 
..اتذكره ولا اتذكره
حنين جميل
الى شيء غير معلوم
غير ملموس
..غير مذكور
اشتاق الى مكان لم اذهب اليه قط
لا اذكر ملامحه.. ولكنني احبه 
مكان جميل
يتوسطه القمر كل يوم
فيه شاطىء واسع
امواجه وديعه
تعكس ضوء قمري الدائم
امزجه بكل الاشياء التي احبها.
من رسوم متحركة 
الى احلام غير كاملة..
الى امنيات مكمونه.
لا يوجد فيه احد غيري
انا وحدي.





Happy Bday to me!

The day was awesome! i have turned 24 last saturday <3 blessed with amazing friends and family. cudnt ask for any more.... 


Out come of 2009:
"Don't get soo harsh on the time.. slowly it explains to u what really happened"

Sep 15, 2010

(1) الطريق الى روما

الطريق الى روما جميل
 احمله معي كل يوم
يذهلني
يعجبني
 لا أمشي وحيدة بين النجوم 
اطوف كل الكويكبات التي اسميتها اسيمئات باسم أمي.. 
احبها.. وارسل لها قبلاتي..
"آسفة" هو ما أقوله كل يوم..
سوف أمر لاحقا 
وابتسم وانا اطوف بين السحاب اودعها..
بداخلي موال حنين
اسميته  السيد حزين
يؤلمني كلما غنى ومال بداخلي
يعصفني فيطرد أفكاري..
أفكاري فراشات جميله
تخمرت في وجداني
اناديها دائما 
ولا تأتيني
تيقظني في الليل لادونها
فأقول لها ان كنت حقيقة فلن انساكي
تذهب فراشاتي.. وتأخذ معها روما.. 
فأجلس مع السيد حزين
ادندن له عن روما.

Aug 23, 2010

Elephant

This has got to die
This has got to stop
This has got to lie down
Someone else on top

You can keep me pinned
It's easier to tease
But you can't paint an elephant
Quite as good as she

And she may cry like a baby
And she may drive me Crazy
'Cause I am lately lonely

So why d'you have to lie?
I take it I'm your crutch
The pillow in your pillow case
It's easier to touch

And when you think you've sinned
Do you fall upon your knees?
And do you sit within your picture?
Do you still forget the breeze?

And she may rise, if I sing you down
And she may wisely cling to the ground
Cause I'm lately horny
So why would she take me horny?

What's the point of this song? Or even singing?
You've already gone, why am I clinging?
Well I could throw it out, and I could live without
And I could do it all for you
I could be strong
Tell me if you want me to lie
'Cause this has got to die

This has got to stop
This has got to lie down, down
With someone else on top

You can both keep me pinned
'Cause it's easier to tease
But you can't make me happy
Quite as good as me

Well you know that's a lie 

Nothing is taking me down

How long does it take to over come an unfortunate memory ?

If u can hear me right now. My thoughts that i keep on writing loud... Do elaborate and tell me how long does it take.


Thank u.. 
Mspwetty

Aug 9, 2010

Send a wish (Mood board)

Send a wish upon a star











Aug 4, 2010

Calling all the lost souls.

I have always pictured my self as a captain of an endless ship. This ship is heading to heaven and in order to get the right path i needed to follow the bonus items on the way "which are either ice-cream scopes or strawberries".


 Call me dreamy but i really didnt have any choice. EVERY single kid wanted to be a president or a doctor OR a pimp**. 


Imagine a kid in her 5th year of life, giving advices to a beggar of how not to beg and to go and work in her fathers medical center "my father". Imagine a kid who trusted the sun rise and believed that life was only about love and sisterhood and friendship. All people are saints. Trust is an eternal right till they prove the opposite. 


I used to sneak out of bed in midnights, take my walkman and my diary and walk in the shadows to our living room huge veranda. U have no idea how amusing that was. I was 11 and i always asked the RJ at Um alquwain FM to play my songs list "yes i had a list". And omg.. don't let me even start with the poems i used to write... 


i was in an infinate love with this veranda.. it was huge.. and the moon always had dropped its silver shadow on it. i was never afraid of the dark. i was never afraid of anything by then.. 


To carry on. time have proven that i was in denial. and trust wasnt an eternal right... it was more of internal secret ... 
I started to fear the dark,, and get so afraid to stay alone in my room. I have believed in monsters in the age of 18. I have lost my trust in the veranda as i grew in size.. it wasnt that big at all. plus the moon never dropped its shadow like it used to be. 


I have neglected the poetic urges in me. I have turned into a lost soul.


So dear lost souls... 
i know that might have seemed shallow... 
but when did u lose ur soul?




with love, 
Me.



Aug 1, 2010

Press Play - Loud please. (mspwettylurvesss)



Why give up before we try

Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I can't compare
I'm suspended it the air
Won't u come be in the sky with me

Jul 29, 2010

Lullaby


Send a wish upon a star
Do the work and you'll go far
Send a wish upon a star
Make a map and there you are

Send a hope upon a wave
A dying wish before the grave
Send a hope upon a wave
For all this souls you failed to save

And you stood tall
Now you will fall
Don't break the spell
Of a life spent trying to do well
And you stood tall
Now you will fall
Don't break the spell
Of a life spent trying to do well

Send a question in the wind
It's hard to know where to begin
So send the question in the wind
And give an answer to a friend

Place your past into a book
Put in everything you ever took
Place your past into a book
Burn the pages let them cook

And you stood tall
Now you will fall
Don't break the spell
Of a life spent trying to do well
And you stood tall
Now you will fall
Don't break the spell
Of a life spent trying to do well

Send a wish upon a star
Send a wish upon a star 

Wont tell any one - xx

This none ending stream of ideas in my head. Torn between alotta of WONDERFUL opportunities.

I don't know whether to fly to Paris and finish my masters in arts OR join the UN for a year OR just finish my 2 pending movies OR just pack and visit all the ppl i know around the world Japan/China/Russia/UK/Germany/US/Switzerland...etc

I guess i got used to the way the crap kept on appearing and i have got this crises management A+"yay i just gave my self an A". 
I kinda thought that to ignore is the best method. AND LIKE/AS always i HAVE been wrong. U see ma lil lovlie imaginary readers (AND stalkers) I am in love with the NIGHT and THE MOON and every tiny cute thing in this world.. i thought i was out of strength and had an absolute zero source to recharge.. and then i thought:
every one else is longing for a soul mate.. i don't really see the need of  a man to have for my own. I wasn't raised nor forced to think that i worth nothing without a life partner/hubby/lover.  That means i dont have to long to anything to charge my heart up.... id love to drift in the sea of knowing nothing at all <3 after ALL this is the beautiful prison of motivation .. no? "im sure u understood nothing.. any how .. continue"

I took alottta of time to decide and i wasted alot of chances... and since i perfected the ART of ignorance AND crises management "which is more of a science"
i realized that NOTHING worse could happen cause i have hit rock bottom "quoting salem" and i have dealt with most of the monsters who scared me ... 

any way.. there is no end point here,, i was just flagging my thoughts. U be good,, and keep floating. 

  

Jul 18, 2010

Do You Love Me?




A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more
than you love me?

The beloved replied,
I have died to myself
and I live for you.

I’ve disappeared from myself
and my attributes.
I am present only for you.

I have forgotten all my learning,
but from knowing you
I have become a scholar.

I have lost all my strength,
but from your power
I am able.

If I love myself
I love you.
If I love you
I love myself.


 Love Poems Of Rumi 




Jul 16, 2010

A Friday morning picnic

So i went for a jog then decided to take the poor turtles with me.. my fav book too! 06,30 AM till 09,00
was fab <3











Yes .. the turtles had fun too ^_^



One of the best books i have ever read <3 it cracks me up like crazy read it tones of times <3


Jul 11, 2010

Pray for me, she said.

When u start to hold ur tears in a bottle.. 
do u tend to wish away ur prayers? 
i sing them in my head on and on .. 
they say u shudnt beg out of despair.. 
u shud beg out of love for the only and one.. 
and i do love u.. 
i havn't been close to u lately .. 
but i do love u.. and it hurts me to be away.. 


i used to press ppl away.. tangle them up in my own world.
i had so much fun and i laughed the pain away.. 




she passes by me in my dreams.. 
she'd ask me to send my kisses in a box.. 
she says im suppressed ,, and i cant make anything mine.. 
she ends my endless dreams like always.. 
she would dance the numbness away.. she'd dance the stars and giggle out loud.. 
i wake up after the breathless seconds i took .. i wonder why wont i ever meet her in here.. 
why wont i be there dancing away the moon.. all me all me .. not her.. then i wud ask her to pray for me .. or atleast id say.

Late Night Alumni - Rainy days




Jul 3, 2010

Mama said

حبنا للآخرين يجب ألا يكون مشروطا بسلوكهم، نحبهم لحبنا لمن يحبهم "mom said"



"our love to others shudnt be conditional, we love them out of our love to the ones who love them. "


very deep! but i kinda disagree

Jun 27, 2010

ALL ABOUT EM WORDS..... "all about them words.."

it has occurred to me that i have limited words on my mind. they keep on flashing... u see my brain is like a high way.. it got two wide way highway.. it has a bright moon.. and see through stars.. 
and when i come to wander.. all what i see or more of get fascinated by .. are the flashy strong lid billboards.. 
thought of sharing the words highlighted with you.. i mean.. it is possible.. very very .. to have some one which shares the same words.. maybe... not.


im serious now.. i have these words constantly .. i even dream about them... 



Seconds late dignity urge fail fall alone wish him mom help could 


despair miss family dream weight money sisterhood Love 


identity support love safety-net TRUST breathe LEAVE..

Jun 24, 2010

Just learning the freedom of floating on..

U know how they say that elephants are never aware of the idea of breaking the leash they r under cause when they were little trainers used to tie their lil bodies in those huge ropes and they grew up tide and tangled w the same ropes but they always thought of how they are much bigger and they can never break free?


Now .. FOCUS "i know u read the earlier paragraph like three times to grasp the idea.. and u probably wondering i that meant any thing.. in this case i advice u to go back and read AGAIN"

What im saying here is... we all are much worse than elephants. We keep on hanging on our sorrows, difficulties and the daily crap. We fall weak.. we cry then we vent and thennnnnn we have icecream get a sugar boost and tadaaaa.. we fake happiness. 

im NOT saying that no one is happy.... but recently every one has A PROBLEM. 
mine is that im mentally screwed by the access trust i gave ppl.. 
my friend is screwed cause she wants divorce.. the other is not happy cause her hubby isn't watching football games.. the third is desperately sad cause they are only going to switzerland for the summer and they usually go to france and uk and switzerland.. "enough with the caps locks! i shall pay em respect when ever they pay my humanity respect!!"

Do u get what i mean???? every one is stuck in their own misery.. which some ppl tend to call drama.. "which is sooo unfair to drama!! drama is a form of ART and what we do is waaaaaaaaaaaaay far from art..."

WE ARE ALL BABY ELEPHANTS! WE WERE TRAINED TO BE AWARE OF THE LEASH.. NO MATTER WHAT U SAY... WE ALL FEAR WITH DEALING WITH WHAT EVER CRAP WE GOT JUST BECAUSE WE ARENT READY FOR A CRAP FREE LIFE.. YES .. we are sooo miserable .. that we dont want out pain to go away .. just because we dont know what will happen after....


we dont have the freedom to imagine freely.. we dont have the freedom to expect. we all are suppressed by all the fears we have.  


floating away by ~hannzo



Jun 13, 2010

Shh just close the door i want to wash my feet.

This is just another story. 

Like an hour ago i needed to wash my feet, i had a very very strong urge to wash em.. 
any way.. the place im in has only one bathroom and i couldnt stand (lods of issues.. cant stand still .. and erh,,, long story). So the urge kept on burning me .. and pushing me;.. out of no where .. i'd head to the pantry and call my sweet fatima.. i asked her to come and help me .. 
we headed to the pantry i said nothing.. 
fatima was worried.. she had her serious face on.. 
i was like fatima help me raising my foot.. im afraid i'd fall... 
AND without any questions asked... fatima being an amazing friend helped me out. 
she didnt ask me why am i using the sink of the pantry to wash (my clean) feet.. she didnt give me any looks.. she helped me and then stood by the door so nobody would see me.. 

i know it might seem lame and shollow to u. but this is out to Fatima.. i lobe u! u did what a best friend would do.. i really lobe u <3 

Jun 9, 2010

And i wanted to go to Barcelona.

This is all about randomness. 

Today i got out of my sleep, brushed my teeth, hopped into my jeans (had a fight to just get into it), had breakfast, danced my drive to work (like serious dancing, i do that every day.. on my way to work.. call it positive energy dance.. i try i do i try) .. etc. U see i'm a human being. and i dont have to say that for u to grasp the idea, but i do react and to every act i get, i get pissed i get mad.. and u saying any lame thing about it like (it's okay.. or u'll be fine) WONT MAKE IT ANY BETTER! how about we aknowledge the issue and just for once be honest and just be like .... "WOW .. MSPWETTY.. UR SCREWED .. LIKE SERIOUSLY SCREWED"
i wud LOVE to have that!
i mean ....... wth ppl! this is not the land of fairies and we all love PeterPan (or beter ban in Arabic). 
This is Earth! and i'd like to welcome u to it! wither u like it or not.. SHIT HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE DAY. and u living in ur lala  land and saying öh.. its fine... tomorrow will be fine IS NOT MAKING IT ANY BETTER. 
it makes me MAD like FURIOUS ! when i get an aaah.. mspwetty... 

LIKE SERIOUSLY! COULDNT U BE ANY FAKE-ER!! like in this very moment even Pamela's boobs are more convincing ! (which are fake.. if u dont know.. here Do some reading! Pamela Anderson )

For once, i'd like an honest person to be like "SHIT THAT IS BAD!" and just leave! 
i know i know u probably think im under some drugs or just venting for no reason... 

its just that i have been through many dramatic pauses, ran between all sizes from 2 to 22 u name it. 
NOT FOR ONCE took any of the ppl's crap of me getting back to *normal* or me being in a * temporary* situation. 
YES u losing ur hot amazing friend is sooo bad.... so u get to live in denial .. not me right?

and oh my God... to explain the reason i gained weight.. 
it goes like this:-

Me: Oh yeah i know.. i've been on cortisone. 
Random: OMG WHY! 
Me: i had a tumor 
Random: OH NOOO -Me *stopping em before crying* IT WASNT CANCER it was a 

Benign tumor.

Random: Oh what is that...?
Me: (half an hour in explaining...)
Random: So what is cortisone again?
Me: (60 mins of explaining) 
Random: But why!! 
Me: IT WAS A MEDICATIOOOONNNN TO MY CONDITION ! 
(and the crap goes on.....)



NOW THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS WISHED IT TO BE....., 

Me: yeah i ran between all sizes from 2 to 22
Random: WOW that must have been fun trying all kinds of clothes! and having to get in depth with ur soul and find out true friends. how amazing, i think that u shud write! yes yes write a blog or or A BOOK or even a manual!!! NOOOO.. wait here is a nobel prize for being sooo wonderful! 

would it kill u ppl to be realistic?

any how... enough now.. i got this operation i gotta have,., and yes im gaining 50 kgs again~*wanting another nobel prize~~*

AND OH OH ... I SOOOOOO WANTED TO GO TO BARCELONA! AND SINGGG ... and be all penelope cruz / mary anna  wana be like <3 *hotnesssssss