And i wanted to go to Barcelona.

This is all about randomness. 

Today i got out of my sleep, brushed my teeth, hopped into my jeans (had a fight to just get into it), had breakfast, danced my drive to work (like serious dancing, i do that every day.. on my way to work.. call it positive energy dance.. i try i do i try) .. etc. U see i'm a human being. and i dont have to say that for u to grasp the idea, but i do react and to every act i get, i get pissed i get mad.. and u saying any lame thing about it like (it's okay.. or u'll be fine) WONT MAKE IT ANY BETTER! how about we aknowledge the issue and just for once be honest and just be like .... "WOW .. MSPWETTY.. UR SCREWED .. LIKE SERIOUSLY SCREWED"

i wud LOVE to have that!

i mean ....... wth ppl! this is not the land of fairies and we all love PeterPan (or beter ban in Arabic). 

This is Earth! and i'd like to welcome u to it! wither u like it or not.. SHIT HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE DAY. and u living in ur lala  land and saying öh.. its fine... tomorrow will be fine IS NOT MAKING IT ANY BETTER. 

it makes me MAD like FURIOUS ! when i get an aaah.. mspwetty... 

LIKE SERIOUSLY! COULDNT U BE ANY FAKE-ER!! like in this very moment even Pamela's boobs are more convincing ! (which are fake.. if u dont know.. here Do some reading! Pamela Anderson )

For once, i'd like an honest person to be like "SHIT THAT IS BAD!" and just leave! 

i know i know u probably think im under some drugs or just venting for no reason... 

its just that i have been through many dramatic pauses, ran between all sizes from 2 to 22 u name it. 

NOT FOR ONCE took any of the ppl's crap of me getting back to *normal* or me being in a * temporary* situation. 

YES u losing ur hot amazing friend is sooo bad.... so u get to live in denial .. not me right?

and oh my God... to explain the reason i gained weight.. 

it goes like this:-

Me: Oh yeah i know.. i've been on cortisone. 

Random: OMG WHY! 

Me: i had a tumor 

Random: OH NOOO -Me *stopping em before crying* IT WASNT CANCER it was a 

Benign tumor.

Random: Oh what is that...?

Me: (half an hour in explaining...)

Random: So what is cortisone again?

Me: (60 mins of explaining) 

Random: But why!! 

Me: IT WAS A MEDICATIOOOONNNN TO MY CONDITION ! 

(and the crap goes on.....)

NOW THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS WISHED IT TO BE....., 

Me: yeah i ran between all sizes from 2 to 22

Random: WOW that must have been fun trying all kinds of clothes! and having to get in depth with ur soul and find out true friends. how amazing, i think that u shud write! yes yes write a blog or or A BOOK or even a manual!!! NOOOO.. wait here is a nobel prize for being sooo wonderful! 

would it kill u ppl to be realistic?

any how... enough now.. i got this operation i gotta have,., and yes im gaining 50 kgs again~*wanting another nobel prize~~*

AND OH OH ... I SOOOOOO WANTED TO GO TO BARCELONA! AND SINGGG ... and be all penelope cruz / mary anna  wana be like <3 *hotnesssssss* 

Sunrise comes too soon

Sunrise following our goodbyes

Following the night like you

Disappeared too soon

But it stays

Hear it in the morning waves

Spinning from the night with you

Underneath the half moon

Close my eyes

And you'll still be here with me

Close my eyes

The sunrise comes too soon

So I lay

Lounging though and endless day

Dreaming of tonight with you

And everything we'll do.

It's just time

From mundane to the sublime

From waiting for tonight with you

Underneath the half moon

Close my eyes

And you'll still be here with me

Close my eyes

Well I might come over

Just to tide me over

Cause the waiting might kill me

If I don't come over

Why does time move slowly

When I'm not with you

And the sunrïse comes too soon.

My heart is restless...

When u try to stand still, don't u freak out just knowing that earth is spinning and spinning around?

when every thing is soo vicious so fast so horrible...

all what u seek in this very moment is your safety net.. the one and only place u'd get ur inner peace.. 

Once u lose ur inner peace u'll start to freak out.. ur heart beats will go faster.. harder.. as if its beating for a state of mind.. not to rush life through your veins.. it only beats to hurt u.. it only beats to remind u that u r not safe.. and u will never be. 

i mean if the threat is only about all mortal stuff like money.. cars.. job titles.. this wouldnt be as hurtful as it is. 

this is big. this is scary.. this is about you going all numb. this is about you losing your human feelings. After all what is this human feeling we all seek ?

i've been descriminated against. i've been hurt million and million of times. it made me stronger.. convinced me to lose the idea of belonging to such a stupid kind of humans (who happen to classified their selves as humans.. but they are not. i totally disagree! like totally..

and when i find my only comfort in being alone this would come out. Floating heads will never leave me alone. their voices their stupid vain promises would always bang the bloody walls of my heart. will get me more numb.. more hurtful .. more of every thing which is bad.. which is sad.. 

so i go, i hold my breath. i want to float in the sky.. i hold my breath cause it is such a waste of time to breathe it out.. I got tons of stuff on my brain.. they hurt me.. they suffocate me.. i dont want to talk abt them.. cause that will hurt me even more.. and with every time i type hurt .. it hurts to type it. 

My dear floating heads, i am not pleased to announce that i lost my immortal trust in all of u. cause 80% of u keep on disappointing me .. and the rest are just an access weight that i have to deal with,,,