ALL ABOUT EM WORDS..... "all about them words.."

it has occurred to me that i have limited words on my mind. they keep on flashing... u see my brain is like a high way.. it got two wide way highway.. it has a bright moon.. and see through stars.. 

and when i come to wander.. all what i see or more of get fascinated by .. are the flashy strong lid billboards.. 

thought of sharing the words highlighted with you.. i mean.. it is possible.. very very .. to have some one which shares the same words.. maybe... not.

im serious now.. i have these words constantly .. i even dream about them... 

Seconds late dignity urge fail fall alone wish him mom help could 


despair miss family dream weight money sisterhood Love 


identity support love safety-net TRUST breathe LEAVE..

Just learning the freedom of floating on..

U know how they say that elephants are never aware of the idea of breaking the leash they r under cause when they were little trainers used to tie their lil bodies in those huge ropes and they grew up tide and tangled w the same ropes but they always thought of how they are much bigger and they can never break free?

Now .. FOCUS "i know u read the earlier paragraph like three times to grasp the idea.. and u probably wondering i that meant any thing.. in this case i advice u to go back and read AGAIN"

What im saying here is... we all are much worse than elephants. We keep on hanging on our sorrows, difficulties and the daily crap. We fall weak.. we cry then we vent and thennnnnn we have icecream get a sugar boost and tadaaaa.. we fake happiness. 

im NOT saying that no one is happy.... but recently every one has A PROBLEM. 

mine is that im mentally screwed by the access trust i gave ppl.. 

my friend is screwed cause she wants divorce.. the other is not happy cause her hubby isn't watching football games.. the third is desperately sad cause they are only going to switzerland for the summer and they usually go to france and uk and switzerland.. "enough with the caps locks! i shall pay em respect when ever they pay my humanity respect!!"

Do u get what i mean???? every one is stuck in their own misery.. which some ppl tend to call drama.. "which is sooo unfair to drama!! drama is a form of ART and what we do is waaaaaaaaaaaaay far from art..."

WE ARE ALL BABY ELEPHANTS! WE WERE TRAINED TO BE AWARE OF THE LEASH.. NO MATTER WHAT U SAY... WE ALL FEAR WITH DEALING WITH WHAT EVER CRAP WE GOT JUST BECAUSE WE ARENT READY FOR A CRAP FREE LIFE.. YES .. we are sooo miserable .. that we dont want out pain to go away .. just because we dont know what will happen after....

we dont have the freedom to imagine freely.. we dont have the freedom to expect. we all are suppressed by all the fears we have.  

floating away by ~hannzo

Shh just close the door i want to wash my feet.

This is just another story. 

Like an hour ago i needed to wash my feet, i had a very very strong urge to wash em.. 

any way.. the place im in has only one bathroom and i couldnt stand (lods of issues.. cant stand still .. and erh,,, long story). So the urge kept on burning me .. and pushing me;.. out of no where .. i'd head to the pantry and call my sweet fatima.. i asked her to come and help me .. 

we headed to the pantry i said nothing.. 

fatima was worried.. she had her serious face on.. 

i was like fatima help me raising my foot.. im afraid i'd fall... 

AND without any questions asked... fatima being an amazing friend helped me out. 

she didnt ask me why am i using the sink of the pantry to wash (my clean) feet.. she didnt give me any looks.. she helped me and then stood by the door so nobody would see me.. 

i know it might seem lame and shollow to u. but this is out to Fatima.. i lobe u! u did what a best friend would do.. i really lobe u <3 

And i wanted to go to Barcelona.

This is all about randomness. 

Today i got out of my sleep, brushed my teeth, hopped into my jeans (had a fight to just get into it), had breakfast, danced my drive to work (like serious dancing, i do that every day.. on my way to work.. call it positive energy dance.. i try i do i try) .. etc. U see i'm a human being. and i dont have to say that for u to grasp the idea, but i do react and to every act i get, i get pissed i get mad.. and u saying any lame thing about it like (it's okay.. or u'll be fine) WONT MAKE IT ANY BETTER! how about we aknowledge the issue and just for once be honest and just be like .... "WOW .. MSPWETTY.. UR SCREWED .. LIKE SERIOUSLY SCREWED"

i wud LOVE to have that!

i mean ....... wth ppl! this is not the land of fairies and we all love PeterPan (or beter ban in Arabic). 

This is Earth! and i'd like to welcome u to it! wither u like it or not.. SHIT HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE DAY. and u living in ur lala  land and saying öh.. its fine... tomorrow will be fine IS NOT MAKING IT ANY BETTER. 

it makes me MAD like FURIOUS ! when i get an aaah.. mspwetty... 

LIKE SERIOUSLY! COULDNT U BE ANY FAKE-ER!! like in this very moment even Pamela's boobs are more convincing ! (which are fake.. if u dont know.. here Do some reading! Pamela Anderson )

For once, i'd like an honest person to be like "SHIT THAT IS BAD!" and just leave! 

i know i know u probably think im under some drugs or just venting for no reason... 

its just that i have been through many dramatic pauses, ran between all sizes from 2 to 22 u name it. 

NOT FOR ONCE took any of the ppl's crap of me getting back to *normal* or me being in a * temporary* situation. 

YES u losing ur hot amazing friend is sooo bad.... so u get to live in denial .. not me right?

and oh my God... to explain the reason i gained weight.. 

it goes like this:-

Me: Oh yeah i know.. i've been on cortisone. 

Random: OMG WHY! 

Me: i had a tumor 

Random: OH NOOO -Me *stopping em before crying* IT WASNT CANCER it was a 

Benign tumor.

Random: Oh what is that...?

Me: (half an hour in explaining...)

Random: So what is cortisone again?

Me: (60 mins of explaining) 

Random: But why!! 

Me: IT WAS A MEDICATIOOOONNNN TO MY CONDITION ! 

(and the crap goes on.....)

NOW THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS WISHED IT TO BE....., 

Me: yeah i ran between all sizes from 2 to 22

Random: WOW that must have been fun trying all kinds of clothes! and having to get in depth with ur soul and find out true friends. how amazing, i think that u shud write! yes yes write a blog or or A BOOK or even a manual!!! NOOOO.. wait here is a nobel prize for being sooo wonderful! 

would it kill u ppl to be realistic?

any how... enough now.. i got this operation i gotta have,., and yes im gaining 50 kgs again~*wanting another nobel prize~~*

AND OH OH ... I SOOOOOO WANTED TO GO TO BARCELONA! AND SINGGG ... and be all penelope cruz / mary anna  wana be like <3 *hotnesssssss* 

Sunrise comes too soon

Sunrise following our goodbyes

Following the night like you

Disappeared too soon

But it stays

Hear it in the morning waves

Spinning from the night with you

Underneath the half moon

Close my eyes

And you'll still be here with me

Close my eyes

The sunrise comes too soon

So I lay

Lounging though and endless day

Dreaming of tonight with you

And everything we'll do.

It's just time

From mundane to the sublime

From waiting for tonight with you

Underneath the half moon

Close my eyes

And you'll still be here with me

Close my eyes

Well I might come over

Just to tide me over

Cause the waiting might kill me

If I don't come over

Why does time move slowly

When I'm not with you

And the sunrïse comes too soon.

My heart is restless...

When u try to stand still, don't u freak out just knowing that earth is spinning and spinning around?

when every thing is soo vicious so fast so horrible...

all what u seek in this very moment is your safety net.. the one and only place u'd get ur inner peace.. 

Once u lose ur inner peace u'll start to freak out.. ur heart beats will go faster.. harder.. as if its beating for a state of mind.. not to rush life through your veins.. it only beats to hurt u.. it only beats to remind u that u r not safe.. and u will never be. 

i mean if the threat is only about all mortal stuff like money.. cars.. job titles.. this wouldnt be as hurtful as it is. 

this is big. this is scary.. this is about you going all numb. this is about you losing your human feelings. After all what is this human feeling we all seek ?

i've been descriminated against. i've been hurt million and million of times. it made me stronger.. convinced me to lose the idea of belonging to such a stupid kind of humans (who happen to classified their selves as humans.. but they are not. i totally disagree! like totally..

and when i find my only comfort in being alone this would come out. Floating heads will never leave me alone. their voices their stupid vain promises would always bang the bloody walls of my heart. will get me more numb.. more hurtful .. more of every thing which is bad.. which is sad.. 

so i go, i hold my breath. i want to float in the sky.. i hold my breath cause it is such a waste of time to breathe it out.. I got tons of stuff on my brain.. they hurt me.. they suffocate me.. i dont want to talk abt them.. cause that will hurt me even more.. and with every time i type hurt .. it hurts to type it. 

My dear floating heads, i am not pleased to announce that i lost my immortal trust in all of u. cause 80% of u keep on disappointing me .. and the rest are just an access weight that i have to deal with,,, 

Floating heads leave me alone.

we often tend to deal with people upon some backgrounds already made and processed through our inner brain.
like she is white, an arab, she is rich so i can talk designers.. she is the daughter of who ever, she is thin ... etc"

NOW this is how i often see ppl.

i seriously see every one "including my self" like a body-less floating heads.  i have best friends that i really dont know what is their family name.. or what do their parents do for living, i'm not saying its wrong to know such stuff, but im explaining to u how i see stuff.. and ppl too!

-Floating heads leave me alone-

it's a habit of me (well a bad habit) to meditate in my car before leaving it (i'm serious. i do that like all the time.. i call it meditation, my mom calls it a waste of time and car energy just to listen to songs on the radio which i can play any where... in such cases i tend to shut up and not discuss.. cause there is a slight .. just a tiny possibility that both sides of views might be right).

so when i meditate .. i usually like to follow/stalk ppl with my eyes ofcourse .. like its noon, ita 48 c out side. this car been searching for a parking spot for too long (and been waiting for me to leave .. not knowing my meditation issue**). there is this man.. who is either too old, or been under pressure.. he gets out of the car. (in a very hard way) he can hardly walk.. i can see his body trembling (oh so im bonding with him already)
i see him walking.. i can see his sweat.. he stops, he scratches his head. he walks back to the car, he stops. he wastes like 3 mins for searching for his car switch (which is already in his other hand) he opens the car. and yes yes i can see him grabbing his fone (bare with me im getting to the floating head!) he walks to the RTA parking tickets machine, grabs his wallet while he is trying to control his weak walk.. he cant focus.. he stops.. he sits on the floor. and seem like crying!

I RAN out of my car.. with my perfume in my hand (i want to be his hero :P any ones hero!!! i wana save some body aside of weird cats crossing the street)

i walk .. i think .. i think eerrr .. i should go back~ what if he hits me!! (sooo random i know lol)
any way .. i gather my abbaya *which was dragged on the floor .. cause like i never wear it in the car! its ttooo hot!!* i walk.. its hot.. i trip.. i fall!!

AND MY DEAR FRIENDS (or imaginary readers) that was the first time i started to form ppl as floating heads!

out of no where i'd find 7 guys trying to help.. its not sunny anymore.. its pretty dark.. where am i ...
why is it very hot... ouch! what it that (this is me talking to myself)

yes, the floating heads were all around me speaking in one voice.. asking me if im okay... i mean i only tripped! nothing happened i mean... really! just let me goo ,,,


i get up.. for a minute i forgot the reason i got out of my car.. i look around.. i see horrified faces.. they all are asking me if im okay. there is a bottle of water reaching out to me. another bottle of canada dry! (wow how did this get in here)  i yell out of my lungs FLOATING HEADS MOVE , (ابا اتحرك عطوني درب) - i wanna move give me some space..
i move.. my knee and back r hurting me.. but its okay.. i mean wth! any way..

i walk to the man (remember him.. the one who sat on the floor ?)
i have my channel chance in my hand, i want to refresh him. i care. because i stalked him remember?

i reach there.. with the sun clotting all of my blood cells. its too hot too sunny very hot ..  i collect a smile and look at him  saying (عمي ، انت بخير؟ انا كنت في سيارتي و ... عمي؟؟؟؟؟)  trans. Sir, are u okay? i've seen u while i was in my car and ...... Sir???


i dont know why but i screamed out of my lungs! i dont or cant recall a time that i screamed like this! even when i had an explosion right in my face (thats another story !!)  i couldnt stop screaming. i couldnt touch him ..
it was like this.. the guy is sitting on the floor. im (with my dragged dusty abbaya behind me) screaming right infront of him.
Then i started crying! i sensed something is wrong (all of my fears were like .. what if he died? why did i have to trip and fall! he might have needed my help.. the floating heads.... yes i will blame it on the floating heads!!!)

oh my oh my!! what do i have to do to get help!! my fone is in my car! im tooo scared to move ..
out of no where id fall *in despair* and keep on saying FLOATING HEADS WHERE R UUU .. IM SORRY I SCREAMED U AWAAAY.. PLEASE PLEASE COME.... THIS MAN WONT USE MY PERFUME..

i cried. i screamed and ppl started to come...

i loved how my floating heads came to rescue me.. and i hated how they gave me the priority and almost ignored him.

they called an ambulance.. and they took him to the ER of rashid hospital.

the poor man had a heart attack. and if i didnt trip or fall.. i could've saved him :( atleast be with him..

i remember after the ambulance took him, i went to the machine, slotted four hours ticket, placed it on his cars windshield. (in tears.. cause he mainly wanted to do that)

walked to my car.. to find a fine of 150 dirhams.. cause i didnt place a parking ticket of my own...

i thought it was karma.. i really didnt mind...

since then ... i always meditated.
and i always saw ppl as body-less floating heads.


Ps.

This story is real.
and the man is okay :)