a newyear thought

"me and mom enjoying an all time fav treat on our way to sharm alshaikh" 

Here is a one. Here u go .. I will give u a two .. but would u promise to come to the correct ground and count em as three ?

I mean not as this is a one and those are two ??

Probably u think I went coco or sth. But really .. we tend to see every one as in our standards .. ah he is shallow she is lame and he is boring . why don’t we give it a 2^nd look ?

I mean . okay half full half empty is all crappy but for a sec. why don’t we all become art fans and view life as if we r viewing a painting ? I mean look at it by all views from all spots ? and for once admire more than criticize ?

I’m talking about this because a lot of recent events.. ive been soo busy mending my broken ego that I walked over the fact that im wasting precious time that I could’ve spent with mom or dad or any beloved member who I fear losing .

WHY ? OR WHAT MADE ME THINK OF THAT ?

We r all been devastated to lose our beloved grandma. It was cruel.. hard.. crushing . Still after a year of her leaving us .. We can hardly realize that she is not here any more .. and this man who I always feared . would cry him self to sleep every night . refusing to use other room than hers and he just wont let it go.

My grandpa been always this powerful diplomatic landlord. Been always this hotdeal business man that any broken man wud go to him so he can grantee him that his rights shall be granted back . He is some sort of robin hood only if u drop the stealing part.

Any way .. this man my lovelies .. been broken and weak as a leaf .. which aches my heart

For many reasons .

A: I would never find a loyal younger copy of him to marry.

B: his pain is obvious and it hurts me to see him like this

C: makes me wonder about my own father .. and mom .. I havnt been the perfect daughter .. been really angry the last 13 years .. I really need to make it up to them .. I fear losing them without them knowing how much I love them and appreciate em.

And this is it! (not the MJ docu no) it’s the C reason .. I MUST SHOW THEM LOVE ..

I always took them for granted . I always called them momzie and pop ! BAS do I really know what makes em happy (aside on one grateful child .. out of five ,, yes we r five) . do I know how dad rocked his college when he studied medicine (eventually I do .. but I suck when it comes to giving examples)

Do I know why would mom cry alone in her room sometimes .. would I know if im the reason .. I mean they put the strong mask infront of us once we put our anger on them (I know we’re bunch of brats haa !) but I never look at them as real humans .. I don’t wana blame them or any thing ( I will do .. just wait and ull see) but I think they shud raise us as friends ,, not as weak creatures that need TLC and all . u don’t need to hide the fact that ur hurt by some scandalous act of a member of ur family and defend him infront of us while u; dad are really mentally abused by his acts!

And u mom ! u must confront my baby bro (well he is the youngest)  with all ur fears .. just tell him what u think of his weird timings .

And and I shud stop depending on them . I should appreciate them . love them and admire their most simple details . I know I avoid that so I wont panic that they are growing old .. but man ! I need memories !! I do have memories of an amazing childhood I had! But I need some memories ..  the age of 13 till now is blank ! my black heart wud only remember when dad left us alone for supporting dr;s without borders . or when mom grounded me home for a week because I had some rebellious acts !

I need stories like the ones they try to tell us and we tend to ignore em u know ? once they start sounding like a Chinese ft spanich language kind of thing?!

I WANA HAVE THAT WITH MY CHILDREN !

I need to look at them as individuals .. human beings ! not as oh .. that’s dad who worked all of his life to get me bags or that’s mom who got continues headaches due to our amazing lifestyle .

I mean I know THINGS .. but not every thing ! and it amuses me and frustrates me at the same time when we meet old friends or relatives .. or when I see pics of both of em ! I look and get in horror ! oh god what have we done !!

Peace !

(the point of it all : I LOVE U)